Abyssal

Three times the charm, your reputation supersedes you

Opening a book wide open so much the spine started to crack

Pages trembling and cracking from age

But I know you touched these pages, I can sense your history, your legacy, your DNA

I feel and sense time wrapping and warping from your years to mine

I feel the air change and tense as time folds over like a crashing wave

This was destiny, I hear you say

I look up to rain on window, cracked memory of a forest from so long ago I can’t even begin

My recollection is vivid then dull then empty

Perhaps

..this memory was a story I read

.. a page in your book

…a time you read it out loud

Perhaps

..your DNA enters mine

…your legacy entwines with mine

… future vs past vs future vs now

I have to close this book

I’m sorry but it’s just for now

I put a bookmark in there to remind me, I used an old ticket

Something to jog my memory when I have none

Something to hold on to when my mind becomes so fierce and fiery +dragonlike

I don’t know how many more years

Slowly giving in to the inevitable spiral up

Spiral down

That familiar dizziness working its way through my bones

It doesn’t really offer salvation but it threatens to

I saw something new today, when I looked zoomed-into-right-into-my-eye close

On the ground – kind of like gold or some kind of treasure

Maybe treasure I buried a long [very] long time ago

Or maybe it’s just a root. Maybe I’m digging & digging & digging

In utter futility, getting blunter and blunter until I realise there’s no payload to be had

I looked forward to going home one day. Just me in solitude – safe I guess you could say

Moving a toy plane around and around my room, resenting the freedom it had

Building another world within world to escape into, thinking maybe I could find some way to teleport into [but not out of] it

Considering if time travel could be real + where and when I’d go if so

A slow but frantic toing and froing, push/pull, pull/push, up/down, down/up. It’s inevitable I see

….you in sunlight, you were looking up slightly – I don’t think it was wavering, more like

…a temporary solace I could frame into one embrace, feet on grass, peak of summer, peak of high

….more and more quick decisions, ink into arm, letter after letter after letter

…..I often wonder when [where] what [if] could [really] if escape was real, frankly

was anything real [is]

I’m looking up at another plane but it’s one you’re on and it’s way way way out of reach and now

now I can just see contrails , white on blue [blue on white]

I can’t breathe I can only watch as it dissipates

That solace was only ever temporary, crystal-white delusional pump of adrenaline hope wishing.