Slowly giving in to the inevitable spiral up
Spiral down
That familiar dizziness working its way through my bones
It doesn’t really offer salvation but it threatens to
I saw something new today, when I looked zoomed-into-right-into-my-eye close
On the ground – kind of like gold or some kind of treasure
Maybe treasure I buried a long [very] long time ago
Or maybe it’s just a root. Maybe I’m digging & digging & digging
In utter futility, getting blunter and blunter until I realise there’s no payload to be had
I looked forward to going home one day. Just me in solitude – safe I guess you could say
Moving a toy plane around and around my room, resenting the freedom it had
Building another world within world to escape into, thinking maybe I could find some way to teleport into [but not out of] it
Considering if time travel could be real + where and when I’d go if so
A slow but frantic toing and froing, push/pull, pull/push, up/down, down/up. It’s inevitable I see
….you in sunlight, you were looking up slightly – I don’t think it was wavering, more like
…a temporary solace I could frame into one embrace, feet on grass, peak of summer, peak of high
….more and more quick decisions, ink into arm, letter after letter after letter
…..I often wonder when [where] what [if] could [really] if escape was real, frankly
was anything real [is]
I’m looking up at another plane but it’s one you’re on and it’s way way way out of reach and now
now I can just see contrails , white on blue [blue on white]
I can’t breathe I can only watch as it dissipates
That solace was only ever temporary, crystal-white delusional pump of adrenaline hope wishing.