I had three things to remember that day
One was eyes open – look around, observe
Second was work out if this was a game or an alternative – reach out, try to peel pack my vision like it’s a curtain
The third was to decide – committed, is this something I want over with or not?
I was strung out from little to no sleep; summertime, too much energy
like the rays of the sun entered me and powered me up like electricity
or a power up in a game
and no matter how much I scurried around trying to use it up
I couldn’t
But then I also had thick grey smog cloud thoughts of death hanging over me like
a cloud
wherever
I went
Which also wouldn’t shift no matter how much I ran, walked or tried to
trick
or
decieve
the cloud
and
the rays
So at this point as the train comes in I don’t even know if
my reality is real
if this is a game
who the character is
Until one day I felt more, different
medication in me, course correction
information collation
piece by piece
But there seems to be always be
a part of me
a little part
but a tiny little shard of me
still stood on the platform, wondering
does one step ending everything
end it?