Looking back, head pulled back to many years ago
Zooming out, Voyager with no golden record
Fragment of a postcard winding its way through time and space
Caught in the wind of years, regrets and questions
(what if, what if not?)
Grappling with this desire to look into the black deep void of the past
behind me (or in front?)
I just see these stars which blink, wink, candles from the past teasing and taunting
it’s there
it’s here
it’s gone
Was I?
Were you?
Cut to a scene – blue sky behind me, big smile
Seaside, summer
You smiling, pushing lock of hair back out of the way
forever
then I feel the tug of the tide, water, enveloping me with doubt and worry
Like
I’m sorry, I’m sorry for being
I went back there at night once
Very still, deep inky dark blue fading into black
wasn’t sure what was sea or sky to be honest
Felt like the ebbs and flows of that dark mass of water were driven by my breathing
in, out
ebb, flow
lonely
then another time, daytime
wind whipping sand into me, face and eyes
honestly felt like it was laughing
lonely
I was just an observer to
the smiles, laughs, connections of people around me
I couldn’t help but think
what if
what if
But by then it was too late. I’ve turned around and those stars are so far behind me I’m not sure
not sure if I ever looked up at them, if this is just a memory, a mirage, a hallucination
I feel it breaking away from me
past cutting off like continental plates breaking
and I just see this void, this sea, this ocean, it’s deeper and deeper
and the distance between this and the past is greater and greater
And just like Voyager I’m faster, faster, I can not slow down, can’t go back
I just see these little glimmers of memories behind me
but they’re so far away, so distant
they just blink
and
now
they’re
gone.