The purity of innocence gone
When did this knowledge off pain and hate and anger start
I sit alone with this deficit of positive, hopeful, loving thought
With a stupid crazy mind jammed full of worry and misplaced self-hate
crammed all in and sealed shut
I try to move around, find a space where it’s less dark, less painful but
I
can’t
So I sit here with over-riding, choking grey-snoke thoughts of
pain
fear
worry
doubt
death
I sit here wondering why, why I can’t be
at
peace
just for a moment
why my stupid brain can’t
not think about evil, about the end of innocence
And I plead with it
I try to make deals with it
brain please, please please just stop
you’re ruining it for me, I can’t cope with this
But it won’t listen.